Too nice to be a writer?

I’m a nice person. I’m kind to older people. Babies and children have a soft spot in my heart and I regularly sneak into pet shops to ooo and aaaah over puppies and kittens. So when it comes to being mean to my characters? I find it hard.

And yet, sweet and kind, a bestseller does not make! 

So what do we writers do? We weave a giant character flaw into the make-up of our protagonist. Then we line up the challenges… each more wicked than the one before... all aimed at that tender spot. Stack up the odds, make the goal more than impossible. We pluck their heartstrings like a mournful violin because that is what keeps our book glued into the reader’s hands and carves our words onto their hearts.

Have you ever wondered why that formula works?

I think…

• We as humans take courage in the courage of others. It feeds that place in us that says – get up, keep moving, you can do this! Whatever your 'this' may be… proposing to your beloved, picking up dog poo on the lawn, facing another round of chemo.

• Seeing someone overcome their fears makes us brave.

• A well-constructed fictional character comes alive inside the reader. Who wouldn’t want to see your friend overcome?

So nice writers dig deep and get mean because in our heart of hearts we know that our protagonist has it inside to rise to the challenge, to overcome, to grow! Why? Because we made them that way. Much like God made us.

How about you? Do your character’s troubles get you in a knot, or do you rub your hands gleefully with every added landmine?

Dianne J. Wilson writes novels from her hometown in East London, South Africa, where she lives with her husband and three daughters. She has just signed a three book contract for a YA series, Spirit Walker, with Pelican / Watershed.

Finding Mia is available from Amazon, Pelican / Harbourlight, Barnes & Noble and other bookstores.

Shackles is available as a free ebook from Amazon & Smashwords.

Find her on Facebook, Twitter and her sporadic blog Doodles.

FRIENDS - special treasures

What would we do without friends?

I suppose our closest friends are those we’ve found always stand by us when we need  encouragement, help, or plain good advice. I value my friends now more than I ever did. I have lost a couple of dear ones but I’m comforted knowing they are with the Lord. I used to wonder at their kindness in being there when I most needed them, but now I know. They, like me, have discovered it’s even more blessed to give of yourself than receive.

I heard a touch of disappointment in my friend’s voice when she told me no one was planning anything for her birthday. That was my opportunity to make a special cake for her. She was so surprised when she assumed it was a simple dinner invitation. But then the candle-decked birthday cake came! Such a simple thing. She keeps my books. Another friend does my hair, so we have a lunch date every so often. And so it goes. Other friends visited me in hospital.And I keep ‘tabs’ on them. It’s mutual give and take, joyfully given and gratefully received. Yet another dear friend guides me in everything to do with computers … no mean feat.

Online Friends They are special in another way They can give valuable help and encouragement from afar. They can cheer you on when you're despondent, something that happens many times in a writer's world. Only another writer can truly empathize with you. It may be a simple comment, but that can mean so much.

So let's look after our friends. They are a special gift to treasure. And  sometimes they understand you more than you understand yourself. Do you possess those special pals who truly are the wind beneath your wings?

(left) Three of Rita's friends who were the first to turn up at her book signing at Koorong, a Sydney bookstore. 

www.ritastellapress.com

Snark -- Not!

  A recent issue of the Romance Writers Report from RWA® advised writers to check their electronic footprint by doing a search for their own names.   Since this exercise seemed like a good opportunity to procrastinate, I typed my name into Google and awaited results.  As expected, I turned up my own web-page, my local chapter of RWA and even a mention of this blog.  What came as a pleasant surprise was a compliment from another blog that I'd never seen before.  What came back like a bad penny was a snarky review I received five years ago for one of my historical romances. (sigh)
  A few days later, I watched an episode of "Harry's Law" on television.  In the story, a seventeen year old girl, C, is accused of homicide in the death of a classmate, D.  Now, D had committed suicide but the prosecution contended that C had contributed to D's death because of cyber bullying.  It turned out that C had a blog where she attacked D over and over and even incited their classmates to join in the bullying.
    Apart from the legal question, what I found shocking in this story was the prevalence of nastiness in cyber-space.  There is even a recognized sub-genre called "snark blog."   It has its own definition on urban dictionary.
     Readers are supposed to find these mean, cruel, cynical remarks, directed against real people, funny.  We are supposed to laugh when others are skewered with flip, ugly words.  The blogger who can invent a new insult or develop a new victim, attracts a following.  And the victim can be anyone -- redheads, youngest children, those whose name beings with Q.  There is no purpose to these rants, other than to build self-esteem in the blogger, with no regard for the consequences to the hapless target.  The criticisms are not "earned," there is no intent to produce a change in behaviour, to enlighten or inform.  A snark blog is merely a random act of mental cruelty.  Often the blogger hides behind a pseudonym.
     So, given these two experiences of snark, I want to extend a heart-felt thank you to my fellow bloggers on this page and to our readers for keeping internationalchristianfictionwriters.com/blog a snark-free zone.

May we contine to extol acts of mindless generosity and random kindness.

Visit me at www.alicevaldal.com
where never is heard a discouraging word. :-)

How Hard It Is

I was going to write a post on my book that was just released a few days ago.

But something has been stuck in my mind and I guess I'm going to share that instead. It involves a few things actually. 'The Confident Women' by Joyce Meyer and Madonna. Please read the following:

"Our world has created a false, unrealistic image of what women are supposed to look like and act like. But the truth is that every woman was not created by God to be skinny, with a flawless complexion and long flowing hair. Not every woman was intended to juggle a career as well as all of the other duties of being a wife, mother, citizen, and daughter." (paraphrased, Joyce Meyer)

"Silky smooth, lips as sweet as candy.
Tight blue jeans, skin that shows in patches.
Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls, they never show it.
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak?
Do you know, what it feels like for a girl?
Do you know, what it feels like in this world,
for a girl?
Hair that twirls on fingertips so gently,
Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting.
Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less?" (Madonna - What it feels like for a girl)

Question one y'all. How do these relate? Now before you switch pages because you think is a feminist brewhahaha (I know I didn't spell that right), it isn't. Because this just doesn't apply to girls. It really really applies to girls, but I know some men out there who are wishing they were more than what they are.

So, the first time I heard that Madonna song was actually last week. I normally love Madge as I admire her brevity and craziness and her ... persuasion to get where she is now. Yes she has made mistakes, but who am I to throw a log her way? I heard the song and I just about cried. 'That's me! That's me!' I was yelling at myself. The girl who won't complain, the girl who lets people say what they want, who lets people try to mold her into what they want, and instead of saying no, I slither away quietly. And then of course, it made me think of men and how they treat women. And while my heart breaks over this, and oh how my heart breaks for the women who have no freedom and have to deal with this (remind me next time to tell you the story about an old friend of mine who's mother moved away from India so that her girls wouldn't be circumcized...) it actually bothered me more about the way women treat each other. How women can be mean and unkind with their words and actions. Put on their big fake smiles and pretend what you're doing/thinking/saying is fabulous and then throw in a slammer of an insult that doesn't even register until later. Oh, if I had a nickel! Shouldn't we be encouraging each other? Listening to each other? How many 'friends' do you have that you open your heart to and they turn around and tell you how they are so much worse? Heaven forbid I ever complain about my son and then have to hear how because they have more than one child, they have it so much worse and what right do I have to look for sympathy? Or the women who brag about all the work they constantly do (am thinking of preview for "I Don't Know How She Does It" movie) and make you feel awful about yourself because you got nothing done. Ladies. Gentlemen. Stop trying to prove yourself. Because you'll fail.

Are you being kind to you? No, really? I know stuff has to get done, but are you being nice about it? A friend of mine just had a baby and of course she's going through rough times. She mentionned how she felt so guilty because she was mad at her newborn. I told her that she was going to feel guilty every single day of her life from now on. Did I do enough? Did he eat well? Should I have bought him clothes that match? Etc. Another friend of mine is having physical issues and can't figure out why she's gained weight and she can't lose it because she is in physical pain all the time. When she approached her husband about whether she was still pretty, he sadly gave the wrong answer. I told her it was about time she had some hips and that curves were awesome. But I couldn't make the sadness go away in her eyes. Another friend is exhausted because she works so hard at her job and pushes for the next big promotion but all she wants is to stay home with her kids and do house designing. I myself am having issues because I can't burn out all my energy into exercise because my knee blew up and I'm in constant pain and physio is not working fast enough for me. So I cut myself some slack. I asked God to bless me. Are you asking God to bless you? To give you release from your own guilt and expectations? Do you really know what God expects of you? Do you? I can tell you what God expects of me. (If you're wondering, it's true devotion. And out of devotion comes obedience. And baby, I'm obedient! ... most of the time... )

My husband figured out a few years ago that he wasn't going to get a clean house. He was instead going to get a completely loving family who spend all their time with him as soon as he walks in the door. Snuggles for an hour at least every night. Arm tickles and foot rubs. Amazing meals with kind conversation. And a crazy creative wife who remembers where everything is provided no one else touches it.

But I am aware that I am too quiet about all this. I think I can be brave enough to say I'm looking forward to reading 'the Confident Woman'. I think it's definitely time to be nicer to me and to choose to make nicer friends. And to listen to the truth that I am a star in the sky that God has called by name.

So, thoughts out of this post? I am sorry it's a mish-mosh. My mind has been a mish-mosh with thoughts and being sore from physio and 'why am I not better already darnit!'
My thoughts are:
-soft-heart
-encourage, don't compare/discourage/demean/be fake
-pray for the people who are standing right in front of you. all the time.
-be nice to you. because some days, no one else will be.

Oh dear. Now I sound like a Hallmark card....

This would be the spot where a picture of me would be uploaded and I'm heating a hot dog in Central Park because it's yummy. And then there would be a blurb about my new book that came out last week called, "Jackson Jones: the Tale of a Boy, a Troll and a Rather Large Chicken". And then I'd mention that I'm halfway through writing a teen dystopian, but my mind is beginning to drift back to the Amish thing. But of course my new laptop is too smart for me and not letting me upload photos. My picture is on the side somewhere....