Grapes, Pruning, and a Mother's Prayer

By Patricia Beal | @bealpat 

I’m a known procrastinator and often write my posts late, but this one takes the prize. T minus 14 hours. Yikes.

Why?

Habit. I like what I produce under pressure. But this is different. Today is different.

Maybe it goes back to the old advice: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Maybe it’s fear of being exposed and feeling vulnerable through/because of what I have to say.

Maybe it’s the enemy planting doubt and fear in my head because a post like this can bless others who might be feeling the same way, thinking they’re alone, inadequate, and lacking.

Well here we go.

Grapes 

I read a lovely guest post by Joanna Davidson Politano, author of the new novel A Rumored Fortune. I encourage you to read it (the post and the novels—she’s very good) - https://www.morethanareview.com/guest-post-by-joanna-davidson-politano-author-of-a-rumored-fortune/.

In the post, she talks about her vineyard research for this latest novel, and I had a “Tig” moment. Yes, I know, The Tig is now history. But I will always thing of “aha!” moments as “Tig” moments, thanks to Meghan Markle.

Vineyards do produce more fruit than they can possibly support while still maintaining a healthy and strong connection to the vine.

Lives too can produce too much fruit for the Christian to nurture while still maintaining a healthy and strong connection to our True Vine, Jesus Christ.

Pruning is a must. Something’s gotta give. And you don’t want it to be the quality of the connection to The Vine. Like Joanna says on the post, a poor connection results in fruit that may look good but is bitter and immature.

Pruning 

You can do some pruning yourself, but God will often prune too.

I think this is the hardest part. There are tons of great and godly things out there for us to do, and we says “yes” a lot. Then next thing we know, we are too heavy with busyness to have enough quiet time with God and enough time in His Word. The connection gets weak. We begin going through the motions. Our fruit may look good on the outside (emphasis on “may”) but is bitter and immature. Fruit on survival mode.

Last month I cut off one big thing and a smaller one, and God cut another big thing.

Self-pruning part I: 

I stopped dancing. I was in three studios and struggling to pick one. In my attempt to decide, I realized that my motives were all wrong. I was doing it for the applause. I was doing it because it felt good to be an older dancer. I was doing it because people always talked about how good I looked. That’s no reason to spend time away from family. I waited for a good class, one I could hang my hat on in case I never go back and walked away. I was taking lyrical for the first time and stopped after dancing Hamilton’s “Dear Theodosia.” It felt good to dance that song, and it feels good to be done. When/if kids leave the home, and I get bored, I can do something with dance again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKpJjdKcjeo 

Self-pruning part II: 

I stopped promoting Facebook posts to the rate I used to and at times don’t post daily anymore. I did this in part because I’m depressed about the writing life—there, I said it—and in part because I don’t think it’s wise to continue spending what I spend in writing endeavors.

Oh my goodness, there are so many folds to this statement. It could be a post in itself, but it would be too sad. Having Asperger’s, I have to fight for joy and fight to be comfortable in my own skin. As a Christian, I feel horrible. I’m supposed to be full of joy. I shouldn’t have to fight for it. I’m supposed to be thankful, but I have to constantly remind myself of what I have and if how far I’ve come, or my brain navigates naturally to the negative.

It’s okay though. Allen Arnold says feeling stuck is an opportunity to go places brand new with God. These are great podcasts.

Link to part 1: https://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast/when-your-story-stalls-part-1

Link to part 2: https://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast/when-your-story-stalls-part-2

And homeschool will begin soon with the best antidote to depression: Hope.

https://www.amazon.com/Unshakable-Hope-Building-Lives-Promises/dp/0718096142 

That (homeschool) brings me to the pruning God did.

The pruning God did:

He planted in my daughter’s heart the desire to go to school outside the home, and she begins fourth grade at our church’s academy on Friday.

Break to take my son to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu… Back. T minus ten.

My son… We struggle. I pray that in this year of homeschooling just him, we can figure out the way ahead. We’ve tried a lot of different strategies to help him. Nothing works. He now refuses to go to any place for any therapy or program. Jiu-Jitsu is it. He goes to church, but his participation is all over the place. The day he was supposed to go to the Hope Through Horses place (July post), he barricaded himself in his room and refused to come out.

I’m to the point I want to ask his pediatrician to reevaluate him and maybe take autism out of his official record since autism specialists who’ve spent hours and hours in our home have failed to help him time and again. I haven’t decided what to do about medication either. I took him off ADHD meds for the summer and am not sure if I want him back on. I don’t think it will be necessary for homeschool. I don’t think it has a positive impact on behavior.

As for now, the plan is to love him to death and see if I can figure out what’s really going on in that head of his. He is considering going to an academy too, but this year, when he asked, sixth grade was already full. I'm kind of glad. Maybe this is the year that we can figure each other out, bond better, and start working together as a family instead of hurting because of Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD).

If you know someone who struggles with ODD in the family, give them a hug for me. It’s so heartbreaking. As a parent you’re baffled every hour on the hour. Everything is a fight. And people think you just failed as a parent. With time you begin believing it’s really all your fault. Then you have to remind yourself about just how early the chaos started. For us, I remember locking myself in a bathroom with my newborn when little man was less than two. Yep, the anger and lack of control was so intense I was afraid that early. ODD is real. You don’t teach that intensity to a kid under two. Some people are born that way. Many end up in institutions. I’m committed to not letting mine end up that way.

I might be the one ending up in an institution though… Lol…

Okay, I will stop writing this blog post and take up journaling to sort out my emotions. Thanks for reading this far :o

A Mother’s Prayer 

Oh, Daddy… (if you’re a Lucado fan, you know where this comes from)

How did I end up here and how do I get someplace better?

I have less than ten years left in these formative years with my kids. I’ve given it my all, but it doesn’t show. Why? Trips to the book store, to the library, to the playground, playdates, programs, intervention, no intervention, church, friends, parties, things, people. Is it me, Lord? Am I not enough for them?

I might not be enough, but You are. Give me wisdom to do this right. You promised you would. I’m begging. Give me wisdom.

Please give us a good school year. Please help me be joyful for them. Please help me show them my love. Please help them understand I’m human too and have weaknesses and needs.

If You don’t help me, I will continue to do all the work while they play. I can no longer fight over chores. I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. They win. I would rather just do it myself. But I know that’s bad for them. Give me wisdom. Strategies that work. Do a work in their hearts. I need You to intervene. I’m exhausted.

Forgive me for applying for government positions (five in the last 24 hours!) that I know I will probably not accept. Right now, how could I? I just need to know that beyond my front door there’s a normal world, where hard work pays off and achievement is recognized.

I know that within the front door You recognize my labor too, but I feel You so far away. A silly job offer for a job I cannot now take would give me more validation than Your love, always there. Isn’t that sad?

That must mean I’m ill connected. But this is something else I don’t know how to fix. In our walk too I’m doing my best. Now what?

“Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 

1 Corinthians 13 

The Message 

By the way, we’re on waiting mode on the writing front. I don’t like waiting modes on any fronts. Boo.

Advice? I obviously need it…

Tales from mature parents of demanding kids? Those bring amazing comfort and that’s why I share my stories. It’s not to hear myself talk. It’s to let others in the trenches know they don’t hurt alone.

One more plug: Tricia Goyer’s new book is awesome when it comes to not feeling alone in the whirlwind. She talks a lot about letting God shape you in the middle of the madness instead of focusing solely on outcomes.

https://www.amazon.com/Calming-Angry-Kids-Parents-Whirlwind/dp/1434711005

I promise I will try to post something more uplifting next time :)

Patricia Beal has danced ballet her whole life. She is from Brazil and fell in love with the English language while washing dishes at a McDonald's in Indianapolis. She put herself through college working at a BP gas station and graduated magna cum laude from the University of Cincinnati with a B.A. in English Literature. She then worked as a public affairs officer for the U.S. Army for seven years.

She now writes contemporary fiction and is represented by Bob Hostetler of The Steve Laube Agency. Her debut novel, A Season to Dance, came out in May of 2017 (Bling! / Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas). A Portuguese translation just came out in her native Brazil on August 3, 2018 (Editora Pandorga). Patricia is a 2015 Genesis semi-finalist and First Impressions finalist. She and her husband live in North Carolina with their two children.

Goodreads - www.goodreads.com/bealpat
Facebook - www.facebook.com/patricia.beal.author
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Twitter - www.twitter.com/bealpat
Web - www.patriciabeal.com

Devotion: The Hardest Thing for a Parent

I'm writing this devotion 10,5 hours away from home. Why? Because this week my eldest kiddo started university. It is truly the most bizarre concept... pack up all her things, drive for a day, dump  her and all her packed things off. 

And.Then.Leave.Her. 
Wait, WHAT?

Every instinct is screaming against this foreign concept. Since the first day a crying pink bundle landed in my arms, my job has been to Be There, Mop Tears, Hug When Life Sucks, Cook Food, Clean The Dirty Dishes, Wash Dirty Clothes, Help, Listen, Love. Now I have to leave her and drive 10,5 hours in the opposite direction. That's over 1000 kilometers, not that anyone is counting. If you need me, I'll be over in the corner sobbing.

Driving away from Stellenbosch without her is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've bought tissues.

Wow. As her mom and dad, Scott and I are thinking of everything she may need so that when we leave town, she'll be able to do what we brought her all this way to do. She is here for a purpose and we are providing access to everything she needs to make sure she can get on with it.

All this sounds familiar though, doesn’t it?

Jesus felt the same when He left us humans after living with us for a while. But, in His usual perfect way, He had a plan. And what a plan it was! John 14:18 tells us that He didn't leave us as orphans, but sent Holy Spirit to be with us. If you read 2 Peter 1:3, you'll know that He has provided all things for life and godliness. And just as I can't wait for the first holiday when she gets to come home (and man, you can be sure her room will be ready!) Jesus is longing for the day we get to be reunited with Him too. He has already got the place all spiffied up for us. It's all there in John 14:3.

But do you know what would break my heart?  If my girl chooses not to use the bookshop account and struggles without textbooks for the year. If she chooses not to use the chemist facilities when her allergies get bad. If she doesn't use the cash we put in her bank for food and clothes.

Sounds crazy, right? But many of us struggle daily with things that Jesus has made provision for. I want to spend this year combing through my Bible and figuring out everything that He has provided.  Then I want to access it and use it lavishly for myself and for those around me.

Knowing how I feel about my kiddo, I'm pretty sure it will delight His heart.

Dianne J. Wilson writes novels from her hometown in East London, South Africa, where she lives with her husband and three daughters. She has just signed a three book contract for a YA series, Spirit Walker, with Pelican / Watershed.

Finding Mia is available from Amazon, Pelican / Harbourlight, Barnes & Noble and other bookstores.

Shackles is available as a free ebook from Amazon & Smashwords.

Find her on Facebook, Twitter and her sporadic blog Doodles.

Powerline for Parents of Teens

Valerie here: I have a guest for my post this month. I'm sure you'll enjoy what she's got to say for several reasons. Most especially if you're a parent of teens. Or if you like to read. Or if you are curious about crowdfunding campaigns. Got your interest?

Nicole O'Dell is the founder of Choose NOW Ministries, bringing a message of hope for today's families through daily articles, weekly radio shows, and the printed word. A mother of six herself, she has authored 23 books for parents and teens, both fiction and nonfiction, all with the goal of helping the reader make good choices NOW.

Welcome Nicole, can you tell us a bit about yourself?

Well other than the official bio stuff like you listed above, I'm a mom of six: five-year-old triplets, two teenage girls, and a son serving in the US Air Force. I'm also married to an artsy musician guy who can draw portraits that would blow your mind. Oh, about me? Um...I like to write and I do two podcasts, Parent Talk and Teen Talk (www.choosenowradio.com). I have a heart for the parent-teen relationship and just about everything I touch is from a place of desire to be used by God in that arena.

Why? What is it about the parent-teen relationship that gets to you?

Well, it's mainly borne out of a desire to help families avoid the angst I experienced as a teen and that I see so many, if not most, families suffer. I believe that our enemy turns up the heat when our kids hit middle school because he knows that they have a choice to make. Follow Jesus or not? And if he can drive a wedge between them and their parents, begin a separation at home and at church, then his job is so easy.

So I work with parents and teens to avoid that division. It takes a lot of work to arm families with the information and the tools they need to really be on the attack. We can't just lie back and wait, hoping to ward off the onslaught--we have to go on the offense.

How? How are you doing that right now?

I, along with my team at Choose NOW Publishing, have just launched an incredible set of resources for parents that meets them right in the heart of their need. When I talk with parents, I get asked desperate questions like these:

• How can I keep my kids grounded in the faith?
• What if I lose connection with my teenagers?
• How have you managed to keep such a wonderful relationship with your teens?
• How can I stop just trying make it through and actually enjoy my kids?
• How can I make this a positive time in our relationship and in my teen's faith walk?
• How do I help my teenagers know Jesus for real?
• What if they never do?

As I re-read that list, I can envision the countless parents who have asked me those questions with desperation in their eyes. They want answers and concrete steps to take to make a difference in their teens' lives.



Powerline365
Plugging Parents of Teens into the Source

Powerline365 is a high-voltage, multi-format daily devotional to help parents raise Christian teens without losing connection.

Tap into the power you need to lead your teens into a vibrant personal relationship with Jesus. Many teens, even those from Christian homes, fail to connect with Him on a personal level. They forge on alone, searching for identity as the enemy pelts them with temptations and doubts. As parents, we’re left reeling, wondering where we went wrong.

Powerline365 offers daily insight to ground you in truth as you plug into the Source. It's time for you to power-parent from a place of confidence and surrender, believing God's Word is true, and His promises will never go unfulfilled.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within [your teenager], will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6, NLT)

What? What is crowdfunding and why are you doing it?

Crowdfunding is a super-risky, but potentially awesome way to make products available to the public. It pools the resources of the people who are most interested in either owning or supporting the development of a new idea or work. In this case, it would be the user of Powerline365 or those who believe in the project and want to support the raising up of a godly generation of teens who would fund--or buy in--at various levels based on what they'd like to own or gift to someone else.

The best way for you to see what I mean is to pop over to the campaign site and see what's what. Just visit www.powerline365.com when you're done here.

The coolest thing about this project is the multi-format, multi-use approach we've taken to make it easily accessible to you in whatever way best suits your needs. And the best part is that we're currently engaged in an indiegogo campaign to fund this project. Which means EARLY ACCESS for you! And by early, I mean you can have this material in your hands in TWO DAYS! Yes, no matter where in the world you live.

Would you pop over to our campaign page and see what we have going on? There's a lot of great opportunity and interesting things you'll only have access to through this campaign. Plus it's the ONLY way to get ahold of these resources now, in time for 2014.



GIVEAWAY: All who participate in the campaign and leave a comment here will be entered to win a Spark30 email devotional subscription. We'll give away one for every ten participants. This can also be gifted!

Also, I want to let you know about our NEW YEAR'S EVE special! ONLY for those who participate in the campaign at any level today or tomorrow (12/30 or 12/31) until midnight Central, you'll be invited to submit a personal question for a supplementary Q&A book that will release this Spring. So, please join us in making these awesome resources available for parents of teenagers.

My heartfelt prayer is that you'll find victory in your relationship with your teens as you lead them to good choices and a strong faith in Jesus.

Wow, thanks Nicole! This sounds like a resource I wish I'd had when my kids were teens. I'm looking forward to gifting the parents of the kids in my church's youth group with a subscription to Powerline365.

How about the rest of my ICFW friends around the globe? Do you have teens or know someone who does? Please consider participating in this campaign and making a difference for the next generation.

Valerie Comer's life on a small farm in western Canada provides the seed for stories of contemporary inspirational romance and farm lit. Like many of her characters, Valerie and her family grow much of their own food and are active in the local food movement as well as their church. She only hopes her creations enjoy their happily ever afters as much as she does hers, shared with her husband, adult kids, and adorable granddaughters. Visit her website and blog to glimpse inside her world.

Feeling a Failure?

At home I have several moth orchids. For much of the year they don’t look like much just a few leaves. They could almost be seen as failures. But when they flower they are so beautiful.  

Have you ever felt yourself to be a failure? I know I have. It happens most when comparing myself with others.  In the eyes of the world I might also be considered a failure. After all I haven’t made any great discovery to earn the accolades of many or written a runaway bestseller or Pulitzer Prize winning novel. Yes I have written a few novels but if I compare myself with other writers I have not written near as many as some others I know. Does that mean I am a failure?  Perhaps in some people’s eyes.

On a financial front I haven’t earned millions, but have enough to live on and am content - most of the time.  As the bible reminds us, ' Better a little with the fear of the Lord, than great wealth with turmoil,'  Proverbs 15.16 or this one, 'whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless,’ Ecclesiastes 5:10.

I don’t live in a mansion but just an average though comfortable home and don’t have an expensive car or all the gadgets money can buy, not even an I-phone. So yes, in the world’s eyes maybe that constitutes failure.

Then on Mother’s Day our minister spoke about parenting and its importance. He emphasised the need to trust in God and not on our own understanding, to acknowledge Him and His claim on our lives. see Proverbs 3:5-6. He urged us to remember what are some of my favourite verses, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Him and He will do this; he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun,’ Psalm 37: 4-6. Later verses in the same psalm remind us that though we stumble we will not fall for God upholds us with His hand. See verses 23-24.

There were lots of other verses about making God our guide in parenting as in all things. The sermon also included other practical advice about sometimes  forgoing our own pleasures to spend time with our children, talking to them, reading to them,  playing games and doing things with them and just taking time to enjoy them.  Another tip was about disciplining when needed and not just being a ‘yes’ man or woman who gives in to their every whim and spoils them with gifts but doesn’t do the job of parenting. The talk included the importance of not only reading God's word ourselves but teaching our children God’s ways and reading God’s word together. As I listened to those things I sat there and thought how my husband and I there had done those things over the years. Not every day though we tried, but more often than not. It wasn’t always easy and certainly we had some testing moments over the years.

Now I look at the two of them as adults and see the results. They are delightful people to know and relate well to others. It is always a joy for us to spend time with them. They each saw the importance of not being unequally yoked with unbelievers and are both married to Christians.  As a result they are teaching their families about God and His word, bringing them up to know and love God.  I see them now enjoying their children, spending time with them, reading to them, playing games with them and yes, disciplining them when necessary but always in love.  Added to this they are both committed to God and actively involved in the respective churches, teaching and nurturing through school classes and bible studies God’s ways.

When I look at them I feel somewhere along the way my husband and I with a large amount of God’s help and guidance managed to do a number of things right. In the world’s eyes it all may not count as much of an achievement. But to have an enjoyable well adjusted family, serving God and following Him, I’d rather that than all the fame and riches of the world. I wonder what you would see as your greatest achievement in life.

 

Streets on a Map, was published by Ark House Press. Prior to that Dale has had seven children’s books and Kaleidoscope a collection of poetry published.

Along with her husband, Dale was for a time houseparent for a family of twelve boys. She has also been a manuscript assessor and book reviewer and run creative writing classes, and written bible studies and Sunday school lessons. For several years she wrote about Christian living, marriage and home related topics More information about Dale can be found at www.daleharcombe.com or on her Write and Read with Dale blog  http://www.livejournal.com/users/orangedale/