Grapes, Pruning, and a Mother's Prayer

By Patricia Beal | @bealpat 

I’m a known procrastinator and often write my posts late, but this one takes the prize. T minus 14 hours. Yikes.

Why?

Habit. I like what I produce under pressure. But this is different. Today is different.

Maybe it goes back to the old advice: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Maybe it’s fear of being exposed and feeling vulnerable through/because of what I have to say.

Maybe it’s the enemy planting doubt and fear in my head because a post like this can bless others who might be feeling the same way, thinking they’re alone, inadequate, and lacking.

Well here we go.

Grapes 

I read a lovely guest post by Joanna Davidson Politano, author of the new novel A Rumored Fortune. I encourage you to read it (the post and the novels—she’s very good) - https://www.morethanareview.com/guest-post-by-joanna-davidson-politano-author-of-a-rumored-fortune/.

In the post, she talks about her vineyard research for this latest novel, and I had a “Tig” moment. Yes, I know, The Tig is now history. But I will always thing of “aha!” moments as “Tig” moments, thanks to Meghan Markle.

Vineyards do produce more fruit than they can possibly support while still maintaining a healthy and strong connection to the vine.

Lives too can produce too much fruit for the Christian to nurture while still maintaining a healthy and strong connection to our True Vine, Jesus Christ.

Pruning is a must. Something’s gotta give. And you don’t want it to be the quality of the connection to The Vine. Like Joanna says on the post, a poor connection results in fruit that may look good but is bitter and immature.

Pruning 

You can do some pruning yourself, but God will often prune too.

I think this is the hardest part. There are tons of great and godly things out there for us to do, and we says “yes” a lot. Then next thing we know, we are too heavy with busyness to have enough quiet time with God and enough time in His Word. The connection gets weak. We begin going through the motions. Our fruit may look good on the outside (emphasis on “may”) but is bitter and immature. Fruit on survival mode.

Last month I cut off one big thing and a smaller one, and God cut another big thing.

Self-pruning part I: 

I stopped dancing. I was in three studios and struggling to pick one. In my attempt to decide, I realized that my motives were all wrong. I was doing it for the applause. I was doing it because it felt good to be an older dancer. I was doing it because people always talked about how good I looked. That’s no reason to spend time away from family. I waited for a good class, one I could hang my hat on in case I never go back and walked away. I was taking lyrical for the first time and stopped after dancing Hamilton’s “Dear Theodosia.” It felt good to dance that song, and it feels good to be done. When/if kids leave the home, and I get bored, I can do something with dance again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKpJjdKcjeo 

Self-pruning part II: 

I stopped promoting Facebook posts to the rate I used to and at times don’t post daily anymore. I did this in part because I’m depressed about the writing life—there, I said it—and in part because I don’t think it’s wise to continue spending what I spend in writing endeavors.

Oh my goodness, there are so many folds to this statement. It could be a post in itself, but it would be too sad. Having Asperger’s, I have to fight for joy and fight to be comfortable in my own skin. As a Christian, I feel horrible. I’m supposed to be full of joy. I shouldn’t have to fight for it. I’m supposed to be thankful, but I have to constantly remind myself of what I have and if how far I’ve come, or my brain navigates naturally to the negative.

It’s okay though. Allen Arnold says feeling stuck is an opportunity to go places brand new with God. These are great podcasts.

Link to part 1: https://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast/when-your-story-stalls-part-1

Link to part 2: https://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast/when-your-story-stalls-part-2

And homeschool will begin soon with the best antidote to depression: Hope.

https://www.amazon.com/Unshakable-Hope-Building-Lives-Promises/dp/0718096142 

That (homeschool) brings me to the pruning God did.

The pruning God did:

He planted in my daughter’s heart the desire to go to school outside the home, and she begins fourth grade at our church’s academy on Friday.

Break to take my son to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu… Back. T minus ten.

My son… We struggle. I pray that in this year of homeschooling just him, we can figure out the way ahead. We’ve tried a lot of different strategies to help him. Nothing works. He now refuses to go to any place for any therapy or program. Jiu-Jitsu is it. He goes to church, but his participation is all over the place. The day he was supposed to go to the Hope Through Horses place (July post), he barricaded himself in his room and refused to come out.

I’m to the point I want to ask his pediatrician to reevaluate him and maybe take autism out of his official record since autism specialists who’ve spent hours and hours in our home have failed to help him time and again. I haven’t decided what to do about medication either. I took him off ADHD meds for the summer and am not sure if I want him back on. I don’t think it will be necessary for homeschool. I don’t think it has a positive impact on behavior.

As for now, the plan is to love him to death and see if I can figure out what’s really going on in that head of his. He is considering going to an academy too, but this year, when he asked, sixth grade was already full. I'm kind of glad. Maybe this is the year that we can figure each other out, bond better, and start working together as a family instead of hurting because of Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD).

If you know someone who struggles with ODD in the family, give them a hug for me. It’s so heartbreaking. As a parent you’re baffled every hour on the hour. Everything is a fight. And people think you just failed as a parent. With time you begin believing it’s really all your fault. Then you have to remind yourself about just how early the chaos started. For us, I remember locking myself in a bathroom with my newborn when little man was less than two. Yep, the anger and lack of control was so intense I was afraid that early. ODD is real. You don’t teach that intensity to a kid under two. Some people are born that way. Many end up in institutions. I’m committed to not letting mine end up that way.

I might be the one ending up in an institution though… Lol…

Okay, I will stop writing this blog post and take up journaling to sort out my emotions. Thanks for reading this far :o

A Mother’s Prayer 

Oh, Daddy… (if you’re a Lucado fan, you know where this comes from)

How did I end up here and how do I get someplace better?

I have less than ten years left in these formative years with my kids. I’ve given it my all, but it doesn’t show. Why? Trips to the book store, to the library, to the playground, playdates, programs, intervention, no intervention, church, friends, parties, things, people. Is it me, Lord? Am I not enough for them?

I might not be enough, but You are. Give me wisdom to do this right. You promised you would. I’m begging. Give me wisdom.

Please give us a good school year. Please help me be joyful for them. Please help me show them my love. Please help them understand I’m human too and have weaknesses and needs.

If You don’t help me, I will continue to do all the work while they play. I can no longer fight over chores. I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. They win. I would rather just do it myself. But I know that’s bad for them. Give me wisdom. Strategies that work. Do a work in their hearts. I need You to intervene. I’m exhausted.

Forgive me for applying for government positions (five in the last 24 hours!) that I know I will probably not accept. Right now, how could I? I just need to know that beyond my front door there’s a normal world, where hard work pays off and achievement is recognized.

I know that within the front door You recognize my labor too, but I feel You so far away. A silly job offer for a job I cannot now take would give me more validation than Your love, always there. Isn’t that sad?

That must mean I’m ill connected. But this is something else I don’t know how to fix. In our walk too I’m doing my best. Now what?

“Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 

1 Corinthians 13 

The Message 

By the way, we’re on waiting mode on the writing front. I don’t like waiting modes on any fronts. Boo.

Advice? I obviously need it…

Tales from mature parents of demanding kids? Those bring amazing comfort and that’s why I share my stories. It’s not to hear myself talk. It’s to let others in the trenches know they don’t hurt alone.

One more plug: Tricia Goyer’s new book is awesome when it comes to not feeling alone in the whirlwind. She talks a lot about letting God shape you in the middle of the madness instead of focusing solely on outcomes.

https://www.amazon.com/Calming-Angry-Kids-Parents-Whirlwind/dp/1434711005

I promise I will try to post something more uplifting next time :)

Patricia Beal has danced ballet her whole life. She is from Brazil and fell in love with the English language while washing dishes at a McDonald's in Indianapolis. She put herself through college working at a BP gas station and graduated magna cum laude from the University of Cincinnati with a B.A. in English Literature. She then worked as a public affairs officer for the U.S. Army for seven years.

She now writes contemporary fiction and is represented by Bob Hostetler of The Steve Laube Agency. Her debut novel, A Season to Dance, came out in May of 2017 (Bling! / Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas). A Portuguese translation just came out in her native Brazil on August 3, 2018 (Editora Pandorga). Patricia is a 2015 Genesis semi-finalist and First Impressions finalist. She and her husband live in North Carolina with their two children.

Goodreads - www.goodreads.com/bealpat
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Web - www.patriciabeal.com

Devotion: 7 Ways to Overcome Feeling Overwhelmed

by Sherma Webbe Clarke | @sdwc8181 

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:2) 

Do you have a red cape in your closet? Is there a power ring in your jewelry box? Can you tap into the Speed Force to become like The Flash, gaining the ability to move faster than light and cut through time and matter? If your answer is ‘no’, you’re not alone. But we give it a good try, don’t we? No wonder we are in jeopardy of burning out when we can’t accomplish everything on our to-do lists.

The Top Three 

The truth is, we can’t take care of others or do our best if we’re exhausted. Here are the top three lifelines that I cling to when I’m feeling overwhelmed: 

Pray 

I believe prayer should be our first step in any situation, not the last resort. Let God give you a fresh perspective. After all, He sees the entire situation and is already in the future and has worked things out for us. When we cry out, He answers with an invitation: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) 

Worship

When I worship in the midst of chaotic 21st-century life, it’s a matter of allowing my mind to get distracted by the wonder and majesty of God. Sometimes my hands pop into the air in praise. At other times, I press my eyes closed and imagine the splendor of heaven. 

Read the Bible

Turn to Bible truths to combat stress and worry. It's like finding treasure. Biblical accounts of others help us see God’s faithfulness. His promises can be found throughout His Word. The Psalms are a good place to start. 

When You’re Prayed Up But Still Need a Break 

We’re fearfully and wonderfully made, fashioned in the image of God. We have interests, abilities, and curiosity about the world around us. These are gifts we can use to shift our perspectives when we expect to pack 35 hours of continuous action into a single day. There are better options than pushing ourselves into exhaustion. 

Here are four: 

Engage in a hobby

Even when free time is a luxury, favorite pastimes can be squeezed into our schedules. Snap a picture of a sunset, a rare flower, or your kids' big smiles. Cycle to an appointment. A few compromises can allow us to infuse some fun into our routines.

Help someone else 

Is there a way to use your talents or gifts to ease someone’s burden? A friend of mine has a heart for writing poetry for those going through difficult times. She has blessed many people with her comforting words. 

Record a song 

I hope you don’t mind this bit of whimsy. You don’t have to upload the recording to YouTube—or even keep it. Not feeling so dramatic? Hum your favorite song while doing chores. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it helps to make a joyful noise. 

Talk it out 

Find a trusted friend, family member, your pastor, or if necessary, mental health professional. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek help. We are social beings, and we weren’t meant to struggle alone. As it turns out, God has many ways to show me how to guard against becoming too busy. I’ll share more in another post. In the meantime, what strategies do you suggest? Let’s see how many we have in common. 

About Sherma... 

SHERMA WEBBE CLARKE is a contemporary fiction writer and a 2017 ACFW First Impressions Finalist. Her inspirational writing has been included in Christian devotional books: Grace Notes and Blessed. She loves to take her husband by the hand to explore nearby and far-flung areas of the globe. This wanderlust has its perks. She credits many of her story ideas to these adventures. Quiet, early-morning walks along the railroad trails on her home island of Bermuda provide inspiration when she is homebound.

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Writing in a Vacuum

I still remember the moment it first dawned on me that all I really wanted was to string words together for a living. Suddenly everything made sense. Why my English teacher loved me, but my history teacher didn’t… why the library was the closest thing to heaven on earth for me… why song lyrics made me cry. Words. It was all about words.

Armed with this revelation, I expected life to rearrange itself so that I could do what I’d been created to do – write. To my horror, the dishes didn’t wash themselves, laundry continued to pile up and my family kept eyeing me hopefully at mealtimes. Then there was the small matter of earning enough to do my bit to support our growing brood.

I’ll admit I threw some spectacular tantrums. Why me? was a common theme. I knew many stay-at-home moms who didn’t have a thimble-full of the vision and passion that I had, yet they had time on their hands – the one thing I didn’t seem to have enough of.

So I did life. I raised my babies, with all the wiping and washing that comes with them. I went to work and reconciled accounts, laughed and cried with colleagues. I danced and dug in the garden. I ironed through mountains of laundry that would crush small countries if piled in a heap. I wrote in stolen pockets of time, cherished moments of word-weaving made all the more precious for their rarity.

Years down the line I can see a truth that I couldn’t before – my writing is richer because my life has been full. 

Nothing thrives in a vacuum, but word-seeds germinated in the rich soil of life experience grow tall and strong, effortlessly bearing the message intending for the reader’s heart.

So if you are facing the frustration of not being able to write full-time, take heart! The real life you live will seep into your words packing them with oomph and gusto to transport your reader. As you embrace your life you will see your writing come to life!

Where are you at? Fitting in bits of writing in between, or able to spend as much time as you want? How do you manage when real life gets a bit too busy?

Dianne J. Wilson writes novels from her hometown in East London, South Africa, where she lives with her husband and three daughters. She is neck-deep in a three book contract for a YA series, Spirit Walker, with Pelican / Watershed.

Finding Mia is available from Amazon, Pelican / Harbourlight, Barnes & Noble and other bookstores.

Shackles is available as a free ebook from Amazon & Smashwords.

Find her on Facebook, Twitter and her sporadic blog Doodles.

AN IDLE MIND . . .

    

   Forbes Magazine recently published an interview with  Andrew Smart, author of Autopilot: The Art & Science of Doing Nothing, in which he explained that all that multi-tasking, so beloved of the modern age, is detrimental to our creative side.                  Those who study these kinds of things tell us that brain activity is measured by blood flow to the brain and the amount of oxygen the blood carries.  Scientists have learned that when the brain is engaged in a specific task, like solving a math problem, activity in certain brain regions is suppressed.  They have also found that those same regions, become super active when not focussed on a specific task.  Conclusion?  An idle brain is healthier, happier and more creative than its busy counterpart.

      In order to have those flashes of inspiration that create music, write poetry or invent a new product, we must have time for day-dreaming.  
      Furthermore, science now believes that idleness is essential to good health.  Just like sleep deprivation makes a person sick, idleness deprivation will make our brains ill.  Perhaps that's why companies like Google provide rest areas, play areas and a lax dress code for their employees.  The old, rigid model of turning employees into robots who follow orders has failed.  

      Since my life, both secular and religious, has been filled with warnings about idleness, I am intrigued.   Yet even Einstein claimed that he  never made a discovery or learned anything new from his "thinking" brain. All of his great ideas,  that is inspirations, came from his creative mind, available only through mental idleness. When we are constantly thinking, we get in the way of original thought.
      Huh!
     Doing nothing is actually good?  Wow!  That's turning conventional wisdom on its head.  I can just hear all the school teachers and parents among us grinding their teeth.  "Johnny will never amount to anything if he doesn't buckle down to work and stop day-dreaming!"
   Of course, science is only catching up with what history has told us all along.  Among the factors at work in the flowering of art during Renaissance in Europe was an increase in leisure time, brought about by more wealth.  People who didn't have to spend every waking minute preparing and growing food, had idle time in which to dream of great art. 

  The Romantic poets were famed for their rambles, purposeless walking.  They weren't counting steps or taking their pulse rate or attempting to knock minutes off their time.  They were taking themselves on a walking daydream.  Thus Wordsworth saw his "crowd/ a host of golden daffodils." 

 
     When I first took up writing with the intent of publication,  I met a multi-published author who described her writing process.  It began with lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, while dirty dishes piled up on the sink, dirty clothes piled up in the laundry room, and dust bunnies multiplied under the bed.  When her hard-working, rancher husband asked what in the world she was doing she replied, "I'm working!"

   So now that science has given us permission to slack off from the busyness of our lives and go day-dreaming, how do we use this newly granted freedom?
   I rather like that staring-at-the-ceiling thing, but my mind does tend to make lists of chores instead of roving freely in the land of imagination.  There is also the danger of just falling asleep.  
    I've found certain, repetitive activities make space for day-dreaming. Kneading bread, for example, keeps the blood flowing, but does not require a lot of concentration, leaving room for those flashes of brilliance.  Hoeing the garden does require enough concentration to separate the weeds from the potatoes, but it still leaves plenty of idle mind available for inspiration.  Vacations are good, so long as they're not filled with activities and timetables.  Lying on the beach gazing at clouds is a time-honoured cue for the idle mind.  I find air travel, too, can produce that half-aware state that frees to mind to roam in the land of make-believe.  

    So, what about you?  Are you an inveterate planner, plotter, chart-maker, and spread-sheet whiz or do you sometimes have an idle mind?  When are you at your most creative?  When do ideas pop into your head and surprise you?
    

Alice Valdal wishes to apologize to all the day-dreamers, chastised in school, who grew up to change the world.
www.alicevaldal.com

Published books: 

Her One and Only

The Man for Her

Love and Lilacs

The Man Who Loved Christmas