Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Dealing with Writing Disappointment - Kara Isaac

Disappointment.

We've all been there. Something much hoped for that didn't happen. Something that did but wasn't quite what we thought it would be. Expectations that haven't been met. Dreams that haven't been fulfilled.

For most of us with dreams of publication, the road we travel is paved with potholes. Sure, there are those occasional amazing writers who win their first ever contest, sign with the first agent they pitch to, and sell their first book to a great publisher. For us mere mortals, disappointing contest results are the norm, not the exception. When we finally get the nerve up to start pitching our stories, the agent rejections start piling up. When we sign with an agent (HOORAY!) we discover that isn't the magic key to the kingdom, and the rejections from editors start accumulating. No matter how gracious, kind, or downright positive they are, they still hurt.

When I first started writing a terrible contest score could cripple me for months, now they barely qualify for a consolatory bowl of ice-cream. However, making it all the way to an offer being in the mail, only for it to  get pulled when the publisher decided to review their entire fiction line packed a mighty sucker-punch.

For me, there are three things that help me navigate the peaks and valleys of this road to publication journey:

Go offline: When you spend your day obsessively refreshing your email, hoping for that one you're waiting for to magically appear, it's easy to lose sight of what you do have. I've found that limiting the number of times a day I allow myself to check my email helps me to focus on living the life that's right in front of me, not obsessing over things I have no control over.

Trust in God's timing (and plan): That contract that didn't happen? I heard from my agent that an offer was on the way about two weeks after having a baby. While it was (very) disappointing when things didn't work out, the following months revealed that I also had a baby who thought that sleep came with an "optional" tag. With the benefit of hindsight, adding in a book contract into the mix right then would have been less than ideal. God knew that, I didn't. I don't know if God's plan for me includes ever being published (man, I hope it does!) but I do know that whether it does or doesn't, his plans for my life are always better than anything I can manage in my own strength.

Call in the troops: I have a group of five amazing writer friends who have talked me off the writing ledge more times than I can count. They are my biggest supporters, encouragers, shoulder to cry on-ers, in writing and in life. All of us have had bad news (a lot!) and great news and so know exactly what everyone else is going through. They are invaluable in helping me to get up, dust myself off, and try again.

Let's talk. How do you deal with disappointment in life?

Kara Isaac lives in Wellington, New Zealand. By day she is a mum of two, pastor's wife and public servant. By night she is a professional bather, tidy upperer, peace negotiator, laundry folder and occasional romantic comedy writer.

Represented by Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary Inc. she loves to connect with people on Twitter @KaraIsaac and Facebook at Kara Isaac - Writer :)




11 comments:

  1. A timely post for me, Kara. Thank you. I too received some disappointing news the other day that a publisher had changed their mind. Changed their mind? That was new to me but it looks like you've had similar experience.

    I smiled on reading the email (well, I expect with gritted teeth) and grabbed a hold of Jesus. It's in His hands - what do they say, it's all about the journey and not the destination?

    Wonderful you have your own cheer squad, Kara, and I trust bub is now in a good sleep routine.

    Bless,

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    1. That is not easy news to take in, Ian! Sorry you had to go through that, but yeah, we have to leave it in His hands and then keep moving forward. Praying for even better things on the horizon for you!

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    2. Hi Ian. Oh, I feel you! I do know exactly how you feel! Sorry you had such disappointing news but hoping it's because God has something bigger and better waiting :)

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    3. Ian, I'm sorry to hear this :( Ditto what Lisa and Kara said. Hang in there!

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  2. Really great words of wisdom, Kara! Thanks so much for the reminder. This writing journey, no matter where you are in the process, is full of ups and downs. It's great to know we're not on it alone!

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    1. Hi Lisa. I know! I for one would have quit long ago if I was in this alone. I love how God puts the right things around us to encourage us to keep on going right when we really think we're done :)

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  3. Kara, all of this is SO true. For the good moments, there are always rough ones to keep me humble. I'm pretty sure the Lord is molding my heart to keep from depending on myself instead of Him.

    Thank you for sharing. I especially love your point about calling in the troops. I have one writer friend I always email with news, good or bad. She's a mega blessing!

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    1. Writer friends are so amazing, aren't they?! They make the lows more bearable and the highs that much more fun!

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  4. Such great thoughts. Especially when it comes to unplugging and stepping back. We definitely have a tendency to dig in and end up burying ourselves sometimes.

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  5. Thanks for such an honest, sensible post, Kara. Sorry to hear about the disappointment you experienced, but it sure sounds as if God preserved you from that added pressure just at that time in your life. Re dealing with writing (or speaking) disappointments, I have a little prayer team of nine women who pray for me wherever I speak and also know about my book challenges. So I agree re your 'calling in the troops' point, for sure.

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  6. Kara, thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your writing journey with us. It's great that you can see God's hand in the timing and I'm looking forward to reading a Kara Isaac book :) Going offline is excellent advice. I've found it's helpful to do normal 'life' things away from the writing world when I'm dealing with disappointing news.

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