Wednesday, August 22, 2012


You may or may not remember that I was going to write about something that God and I were going through last month, but chose not to because I wasn't completely sure about it. Of course you remember and I'm sure you've been on pins and needles just dying to find out what it was.
So here's the thing. This has been a very weird year.  An 'all about me and my health'year.
I'm generally very healthy. I workout regularly, I eat well, blah blah but ... I'm tired all the time. Like, all the time. I'm itchy. All the time. And I have bad knees. All the time.
Which led to many doctors' appointments, many physiotherapy appointments and a lot of praying for wisdom.
And through all the trials and frustrations and tears and being very very angry because I am 38 for goodness sakes and I am far too young to feel this old we got to the bottom of it. For now.
Turns out I have gluten issues. Sigh. Once I stopped the gluten, I was no longer itchy. Or looking six months pregnant.
And I have no cartilage or tissue left in my kneecaps. Due to years of landscaping without knee protection, not wearing orthotics and choosing always to be barefoot and having really high arches. Which means my I.T. band and my right knee cap are usually hurting. Sharp pains, long lingering cramps. Fun stuff. Throw in a few weeks where I couldn't walk, yeah. That's fun. Oh and the conversations with people! That was the best. 'I have arthritis/tendonitis/knee surgery blah blah and if you keep moving constantly, you'll be fine'. To which I smile and say, 'yes' and then go home and stomp around like a petulant child and say to the skies (usually  my ceiling fan) 'Why? Why? Why?'  because I do NOT have cartilage left! Which means my kneecap is always rubbing against my bone. ???? Seriously??? Wha?  So now I get to wear a knee brace. Forever. It's made out of some carbon fiber blah blah and it's held together with velcro for crying out loud and when I don't wear it, I get sore. Fun, right? I can have knee surgery when I'm 70.
And then on top of all that. On top of not being able to enjoy grilled cheese sandwiches or white bread slathered with butter and peanut butter or my favourite pesto pasta ( do NOT get me started or gluten free bread or pasta - it is disgusting) I find out through a sleep study that I have narpoleptic tendencies.
Yes. I hallucinate when I sleep. I dream too much. I move too much when I sleep. I yell out at things when I sleep. And this is just hilarious: I'm not fully awake during the day. What? Yeah. So, apparently my synapses blah blah don't react with each other so I'm not awake. Which means I'm exhausted all of the time, need to nap, can't remember anything etc... So now I'm on these magical little pills which totally freaked me out but I bit the bullet and I've been taking them for six weeks and dude... Wow. I'm awake. I am never tired. I never need a nap. No more morning headaches, body aches, screaming nightmares and I remember who you are! It got so bad with the memory that I am now having conversations with my husband where he is asking me if I remember driving out to some snowmobile camp nine years ago way past Algonquin Park because we were going to work there full-time and I was going to cook and I was all like, 'what on earth are you talking about?????'
Some people are lovely and say, 'you poor thing. let me give you fair trade chocolate'. And some people have said, 'oh, just let God heal you', and it took everything in me not to counter with 'really? Like God grows people new arms and legs when they are amputated?'  (I can tell you like me even more now.) So since those lovely six weeks ago, every single devotion I have read, whether in my bible, my child's bible, proverbs 31 ministries, d365 and whatnot, has ALL BEEN ON HEALING.
So, I'm all like, Ok God. Let's see what You can do. Because I am at my wit's end and this is no life for me and I want better. So please, heal me.
And then I got worse. I couldn't walk. I couldn't stop taking pain killers/ice/heat/massages/physio.
And then I got a bit better.
This past weekend was my 12th wedding anniversary with my gorgeous man.
We planned a trip to New York City.  Do you know what you do in New York City?
You walk.
So I packed my leg (as I call it), lots of A535, orthotics, two different shoes and ice packs. And tylenol.
We landed Friday and I threw on my leg and we started walking. Ten minutes later I took it off because I couldn't get comfortable. Hubby was kind enough to carry it around for the next ten hours in his backpack.
Day two: no leg. We walked ten hours.
Day three: no leg. We walked ten hours.

Did I have pain? No. Well, just in my calves from overwalking. Oh, and my back was killing me the first day.
Did I need pain killers, ice, rub? No.
It was in fact, a brilliant, fantastic, beautiful trip. (No, we didn't do any shows. We enjoyed Central Park and the Met - you MUST go. The Van Gogh's are exquisite)
And today when I woke up?
Pain. The normal, everyday kind of knee pain that I endure every single day.
So was I healed?  Kinda.
I realized that my God is one awesome God and for three beautiful days, I experienced true health and rest. I even ate pizza. And I didn't get itchy. Not once.
So while He may choose or not choose to fully miraculously heal me, I got to see some Amazing Grace because I had no pain for three whole days.
And I got to see what it will be like, when I am fully new, fully healed, and fully happy.

It was so worth it.

Jenn Kelly is an author who is working on a brilliantly plotted/fantastically written dystopian/romance for teens because she freely admits she loves YA. This is her gorgeous man of 12 years in front of some fountain near Ground Zero.


  1. Hi Jenn,
    I'm sorry to hear about these diagnoses. I can only imagine the medical fiddling around and testing it must have taken to get these three separate issues figured out. Like you, I try to read all the books on healing I can find. Perhaps you can be encouraged with the thought that if you could enjoy three good days in New York, that could be incentive to look forward to more pain free days in the future.
    Paula V

  2. That's weird, Jenn. In Ottawa you have pain. In NYC you don't. Have you considered looking for other allergens than gluten Something in your house? Your neighbourhood?
    Just a thought.

  3. Really feel for you, Jenn. One of our daughters functions much better gluten free but gets tired of the restrictions this brings. But if she doesn't stick to it, like you she gets tired for real and feels bloated. May you soon be enjoying many more lovely, pain-free, itch-free, joyous New York days right where you live!

  4. Sorry to hear about the health issues you've been going through. My youngest is eleven and decided to go gluten free on his own. (My mother-in-law and sister-in-law have celiac so he knew about some of the issues). He was tired of having stomach aches and this has worked for him. I've learned a few new recipes to help him, but thankfully, he doesn't eat a lot of bread, so it hasn't been that difficult for him. Just a bit of readjusting that has been worth it. Praying you can find what works for you!

  5. Thanks ladies! They are good ideas too. The problem with our lovely ahem country, is that health care, while free, is limited somewhat. I have tried naturopaths (did not go well) and have attempted specialists but because I am not an autistic eight year old without feet (don't ask) , you can't really get in to see anyone. Maybe I'll just convince hubby we need to move to another country???