A simple cry for help

 Paul Baines| @ICFWriters

Thinking of something to write for this blog has been the toughest thing I have had to do all week, and it's been one of those weeks.

I am still drawing a blank, so I will do what I always do when I don't know what to write: start writing.

To be honest, I haven't written much in over a year now. When my wife fell ill my life went into a strange twilight zone in which everything I knew and believed was turned upside down.

For most of my Christian life I have followed the "prayer warrior" mentality. This was my wife's influence. When she started taking her faith seriously just before we got married she attended the Durban Christian Centre with Fred Roberts and Kim Clement, where they taught the principles of spiritual warfare.

While sorting through my wife's possessions recently I found her stack of prayer journals. It is all prayer warrior stuff: pleading the blood of Jesus, binding the enemy, bringing down spiritual strongholds.

As a couple, our prayers were always very directed. A problem arose and we would pray for a distinct solution. A need came up and we would pray to receve whatever it was we lacked. It was all very specific.

So when my wife was taken into hospital and we were told there was no hope, you would imagine my prayers were as directed as usual. Actually, the opposite happened. I simply handed it all to God. If I prayed anything it was "Lord, you take control" or simply "help."

I let go.

A lot happened at once in those final weeks. I handed in notice at my work, gave notice on the house, and faced the daunting prospect of getting my seriously ill wife from mainland Europe to the UK. I did not even know if we were fully covered by our health insurance. For all I knew, I was facing a huge hospital bill. I was now unemployed, had very little in the bank, and had no idea how I was going to move my wife back home along with a house full of stuff collected over 16 years.

It was too much for the "prayer warrior" approach. All I could do was hand it over, and trust.

Sure I got busy praying for healing, but that was something I could aim at. The rest was too big. Before I handed it all over, I felt like I was drowning. After I gave it to God, I had a strange, almost fatalistic, peace. Nothing mattered. Nothing I could do would change anything. God was in charge. His will be done.

Looking back, I can see miracle after miracle as every single problem was solved. It was like having the best personal assistant in the world.

A support worker at the hospital spent hours on the telephone with the insurance company until they assured him that they would not only cover all hospital bills but would ship my wife to a hospice of our choosing in the UK by air ambulance. The house rental agency agreed to a one month notice period (it had been a year when we moved in). The landlord said that we could take our time with the move and even helped me with the packing. My work situation changed for the better.

It was a big lesson for me as a Christian. These days I still have a few specific prayers but, for the most part, it is a more general plea for help. God knows what is wrong, what needs doing, and how to do it.

After all, we are His children. When our own kids get into a mess, they don't ask us for specifics. They don't say "Mum/Dad, I spilled ink all over the carpet. Please call the cleaning company and find their best price for removing the stain using the perfect equipment."

No, they simply say "Mum/Dad I dropped the ink. Please help."

Maybe kids are onto something there.

Healing and writing

I’ve had pains in both my shoulders for years. I’ve had steroid injections in both and also physiotherapy, but the relief and results were short-lived at best. So after a lot of back and forth, I had surgery at the end of July – arthroscopic subacromial decompression in my left shoulder. Basically, part of my acromial bone was removed as it was impinging on the nerve in the muscle somewhere. Whatever.

My surgeon suggested that I do a YouTube search on the procedure to see what it was all about. Big mistake. The videos I saw made me think of a piece of meat being roughly prodded. But despite what I saw and read, I had an expectation that I would recover fairly quickly. I suspended my gym membership, anticipating that I would be back about 6 weeks after the surgery. It’s been 3 months now and I am only now ready to go back to the gym. I cant even at lift my left arm completely without the aid of my right hand. It is extremely slow process trying to rebuild strength in my left shoulder.

Before and just after the surgery I didn’t think I would need the level of help I’ve needed. I’ve always been independent and somewhat self-sufficient, partly because it’s my nature, but also out of necessity! I actually thought that I would be able to get myself home from the hospital myself. I know. Silly lady. I couldn’t even breathe properly after the surgery and because of the nerve block I was given in my neck; my entire left arm was dead for 24 hours after the surgery. It was extremely humbling getting someone else to help me with my bra! In fact, the first time I tried to do that myself, I was sweating!

This makes me think about my writing journey. When I first started it didn’t even cross my mind that I needed to do more than just write. I got so consumed with writing, getting to know and enjoy my characters and all the creative fun stuff. I couldn’t wait to finish work and start writing. I completed my first draft before I even let my friends read it. When I attended my first writer’s conference it was a bit of a shell shock, but in addition to all the lessons on the technical side of creative writing; lessons about marketing, etc., I have learnt about the need to ask for, and accept help from others.

There have been times when I felt I was making great progress, and could clearly see that my writing had improved, but then there have been times of rejection that have caused me to question my desire to be an author. But then, like most things in life, there have been periods of bounce back.

About 2 or 3 weeks ago I ‘forgot’ that I am still healing and don’t yet have full mobility in my left arm, so attempted to apply lotion to my back and in the process twisted my shoulder. I’m sure you can imagine the agony. But I didn’t get the sympathy I expected from my physiotherapist; in fact, she pushed me even harder! I thought my arm would fall off!

On this writing journey, I have had ups and downs. Same with my healing process.

I have a confession to make. Most of the time when I write a post on this blog, I deliberately do not check for, or read the comments because I do feel intimidated, but reading this post and thinking about accepting help made me what to take the plunge, so to speak and I am so so gratified by the comments made about the post I wrote on November 18th about traditional versus self-publishing. And I want to say thank you to this group. I do look up to most of you and I thank you for all the many ways in which you have helped me.

When I’ve taken the time to listen to advice, and take it, I have made progress, and when I haven’t, things have slowed down. That doesn’t mean that I take every bit of advice I’m given. One does have to be discriminating and know one’s own mind (and body).

Ufuoma Daniella Ojo is a Software Training Manager, accepting help as she hones her craft.

FRIENDS - special treasures

What would we do without friends?

I suppose our closest friends are those we’ve found always stand by us when we need  encouragement, help, or plain good advice. I value my friends now more than I ever did. I have lost a couple of dear ones but I’m comforted knowing they are with the Lord. I used to wonder at their kindness in being there when I most needed them, but now I know. They, like me, have discovered it’s even more blessed to give of yourself than receive.

I heard a touch of disappointment in my friend’s voice when she told me no one was planning anything for her birthday. That was my opportunity to make a special cake for her. She was so surprised when she assumed it was a simple dinner invitation. But then the candle-decked birthday cake came! Such a simple thing. She keeps my books. Another friend does my hair, so we have a lunch date every so often. And so it goes. Other friends visited me in hospital.And I keep ‘tabs’ on them. It’s mutual give and take, joyfully given and gratefully received. Yet another dear friend guides me in everything to do with computers … no mean feat.

Online Friends They are special in another way They can give valuable help and encouragement from afar. They can cheer you on when you're despondent, something that happens many times in a writer's world. Only another writer can truly empathize with you. It may be a simple comment, but that can mean so much.

So let's look after our friends. They are a special gift to treasure. And  sometimes they understand you more than you understand yourself. Do you possess those special pals who truly are the wind beneath your wings?

(left) Three of Rita's friends who were the first to turn up at her book signing at Koorong, a Sydney bookstore. 

www.ritastellapress.com