DEVOTION: What do you see for tomorrow?

I’ve been reflecting on my life over the last few days, as people are sometimes wont to do at the start of a new the year. There were so many things that I started last year: a Personal Performance Coaching diploma, learning how to swim and how to ride a bike. I realise that I am very good at starting projects but not that good at finishing what I start. I want to be a published author (obviously); I need to lose weight (at the time of writing I am on Day 11 of a 28 day juice fast and I can tell you some days I really crave a hot meal especially as winter is here with a vengeance and I’m focusing my all on reaching the finish line)! I realise that a lot of the struggles I have has to do with my mind-set. Anyway last night I read a Chinese proverb sentence on a website that really spoke to me.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now.

I confess I do have a tendency to procrastinate but I have reached a point in my life, where I realise that if I am going to achieve what I want out of life; what I believe the Lord has placed in my heart to do, I have to take action. So I went to Him about it and the Holy Spirit gave me this scripture:

Without a divinely inspired mental picture, the people cast of all restraint. Proverbs 29:18

Jesus is our example. He came to reveal the Father to man and to destroy the works of the devil. His earthly life teaches us how we are supposed to live and what we should aspire to. Thank God that everything we need is provided to us on the basis of the cross. And thank God that we are saved by His grace and not by any works that we can do, but we are expected to use the gifts He has given us to further His purposes on the earth and to bring Him glory.

So I thought about Jesus in light of Proverbs 29:18 and realised that everything He did had purpose. He knew who He was and what He came to earth to do so all His choices were deliberate. He made choices, went places and did things that moved Him in a specific direction. I will probably meditate on this for the next month or so. I am looking at my life and choices with a very critical eye and noticing that while I do work long hours and don’t feel like doing much at the end of the day, I do find the time to do the things that I like to do. Time is fleeting and as we get older we may not be presented with as many opportunities or have the strength to do the things we may now take for granted. As January draws to a close, let’s take stock of our lives and how we spend our time, and maybe ask ourselves some difficult questions.

Almighty Father, give me a divinely inspired mental picture for my life. Give me the wisdom and grace to make the right choices that will move me closer each day to fulfilling Your purpose for my life. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Traditional or Self-Published

It’s been a few years now since I completed the first draft of the manuscript for my first (as yet unpublished) novel. At the time I still had the level of excitement and expectation that occurs naturally before the reality of the difficulty of the publishing business sets in. Now, years later after struggles with rejections and the ‘interruptions of every day life, I still sometimes question what I am doing. Many people have asked why my book isn’t published. The quizzical looks on their faces leave no doubts about their thoughts. After all so many people are self-published, so why – especially for those who have read my manuscript aren’t I doing the same thing?

I always dreamed of getting an agent to sell my work, and of getting a decent (read that anyway you wish) offer from a publisher on the table. That has not happened. Yet.

It was my birthday on the 7th and I travelled to Dubai for a few days.

It wasn’t a ‘milestone’ birthday, but I’ve always loved birthdays and I typically experience anticipation and butterflies in my stomach as soon as November 1st rolls around. But this year was different. I was excited and had a fabulous trip, but there was something nagging at the back my mind. It might be my new age, but I have been questioning and praying a lot about my purpose. And about how I spend my time. Most of us write in our ‘spare’ time. Spare time is carved out of so much busyness, and is usually born out of sleep time.

In my musings I remember something the Lord said to me many years ago. You will never be fulfilled unless you’re living my purpose for your life. So. How do I work that purpose into my life? Or most importantly, how do I make my purpose my life?

This comes down to time and timing for me. Between working full-time, studying for a coaching diploma, learning French (supposedly) and family, I feel (as I’m sure everyone in this group does) that there are not enough hours in the day. But the pressure to achieve does sometimes keep me up at night. So while on holiday I asked the Lord to help me. And He led me to do a few things, and after a series of events I made the decision to release my book on Kindle. I was a bit hesitant to state that on this forum for fear of reprisals from people who think less of self-published authors, but I quickly got over that. I have to do what I need to for now. Only God knows what doors He will open for me though this.

I think that the business side of publishing is a many-tentacled beast. The love and joy of writing is not enough to be successful. As I always say to a few of my loved ones, everyone has their own journey to take. This is one step in mine.

Ufuoma Daniella Ojo is a Senior Technical Author and Software Trainer. She lives in Potters Bar just outside London. She is editing her manuscript and working on a story set in Nigeria, will be kindle publishing, but is still trusting God for connections leading to publication.

Getting unstuck

The title of this blog post is actually not quite the truth. As I write this, I still feel stuck. 

Very stuck.

In the past six months, I've started five new books, but finished nothing. In the past three weeks, I haven't managed to write even one new chapter of my current story. 

If I was a car, I'd be up to my axles in mud. Spinning my wheels. Digging myself deeper into the hole. Getting nowhere, and the harder I try, the more stuck I get.

Photo by the Henry Ford via Flickr

It's messy, frustrating, and no fun at all. 

Writing and releasing my first three published books in less than six months required that I put in a load of hours, but they were easy. I just did the work. Wrote the stories, sent them off to my editor and critique partner, did my edits and revisions, published the books. I'd been writing on and off all my life. This was just a lot more on, and very little off. I knew God wanted me to publish the books, and so I did it, with a single-minded focus.

Then, with book four, things went wrong. Real life got in the way of writing. My husband was ill, and needed my attention. A beloved pet died despite weeks of careful nursing and so much fervent prayer. I missed deadlines. Writing became a struggle. The book did release, eventually, but six weeks late. I lost all my preorders. Sales of all my books, which had done way better than expected, crashed. 

Angry with God, I forgot all about the deep spiritual lessons He'd made me teach my characters writing books two and three. Lessons about what truly loving others means. Lessons about putting Him first. Lessons about His purposes being far higher than our own plans. Lessons about what it means to truly trust in Him, and surrender to Him. 

God didn't forget. He had other ways to teach me those lessons.

From book 2: Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18 
God is teaching me that I wasn't truly living His love. He doesn't want me making writing the most important thing I do, giving it the biggest share of my time. He wants me to truly love the people He's placed in my life. To not just say I love them, but to show it, by giving them time, by listening, by putting their needs ahead of my writing and my to-do list and my own plans. 

From Book 2: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:29

I thought I trusted God, thought I wanted to do His will. The problem was, I still wanted to do it all myself. I wasn't leaning on Him or surrendering anything to Him.  I trusted in my own strength and my own plans. I had to be broken to let go of that, to truly allow Him to take my burdens and learn what it means to rest in Him. 

From Book 3: I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfils his purpose for me. Psalm 57:2 ESV

God had to show me that He has other purposes for me besides writing. I write to share His love, but I need to live it, first. He is fulfilling His purpose for my life, in His way, and it's better than mine. 

From Book 4: And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 11:19 NLT

I never quite understood why God gave me this verse for this book. It fit my heroine, who had a hard heart, not trusting God or love at the start of the book, but the context of the verse is about choosing to worship God rather than worshipping idols. I'm only just coming to realise I'd made an idol of writing, of my business plan, of Amazon rankings and sales figures. 

God had an answer for that. Take away the sales, and my release schedules, and my earnings forecasts. Take away all my plans. That hurt. I felt such a failure. I cried, a lot. 

But now, I'm grateful. If the big plans I made last year for my writing career had worked, I never would have learned to trust God. I never would have handed my burdens over to Him. I never would have known His rest. I'd be truly stuck, trying to write a book every six or seven weeks, without a break. Eep! Instead, he taught me to look to Him and rely on Him.

It's funny. Last week, when I first asked God for guidance on what to blog about, just the title came to me. I figured I was supposed to write about overcoming writer's block, and researched a load of links on timed writing and the psychology of creative blocks. Instead, God wanted me to write a post about looking at being stuck in a different way. 

The owners of these boats could struggle to push their boats back into the water. It would be hard, but if they worked enough, they'd do it. Or they can simply wait for the tide to come back in and float the boats for them. 

Sometimes the answer to a block isn't to try harder, to push more, to beat ourselves up for not doing the work, or for giving in to resistance. Sometimes, maybe far more often than we realise, the answer is to look to God and wait on His timing.

Knowing that, suddenly I don't feel stuck at all!

But I stand silently before the Lord, waiting for him to rescue me. 

For salvation comes from him alone. 

Psalm 62:5