I am behind on my posting. And for that I am very sorry.
I have a constant twitch behind my right eyeball. It won't go away. I've tried using cold compresses, hot compresses, washing my eyelid with baby soap (Doctor's suggestion) and still, it twitches shut.
It's not that I am stressed. At least, I don't think I'm stressed.
Sure, I'm trying to do too much around here, I mean, we did move to a farm, we now have egg-laying hens, and hubby is building a greenhouse now while the sun shines, and I'm home-schooling again, and I have to take over all of the administration for our tree company...
How did I let life get so out-of-control?
I was actually at a point in my life where I was the 'be' person and not the 'do' person. It was all about hanging out with the boys and enjoying good meals and resting.
Now it's all about vegetable gardening, and teaching, and cleaning, and building a chicken coop, and making sure we spend time with friends, and trying to keep a stiff upper lip about our new church.
How on earth did that happen?
Why did I let the guilt slip in of not doing enough?
How did I get to the point where I am constantly whispering, "Peace, Jesus, peace"...?
Life could be so much worse.
One year ago, today, I celebrated my birthday in Tennessee with amazing people because we were homeless. When we finally moved in, we agreed to cultivate relationships as much as we could. And we have been. Inviting strangers over for food and clay-shooting. Making a point of having conversations with people at the Farmers' Market for the sake of beginning a relationship. Giving away produce to people who need it. Trying my hardest to remain calm and smiling as the church ladies ignore me every Sunday.
Wow, I sound like a pitiful, whining martyr.
I'm not, you know. I think I'm just pooped. Wait, can I say that word on here?
I don't have any wise words or sage advice for you. Because I'm at a very weird point in my life that isn't familiar at all. Wouldn't it be nice if sometimes we could go through certain scenarios again, just for the sake of being able to say, 'Oh, ok, I know how to handle this'. It's very easy to forget who you are.
Sometimes we're all just muddling through and all I'm able to do is muddle.
So. As y'all as my witness, I'm going back to 'being', instead of 'doing'. I think I will take a year off of entertaining people and maybe sleep more. See if we are invited anywhere interesting. Let people love on me for awhile. Unless that's totally selfish. Is that selfish? See? Just muddling through, all confused and over-reacting and over-thinking.
So, to you sweet people who are muddling through, may I suggest to just whisper, "Peace, Jesus, peace". Because even if you aren't going through all kinds of awfulness, and no one is dying and there isn't a crisis, you can ask for peace when your brain is fuzzy and you can't remember where you left your wallet.
Even in silly, trivial times.
Now, go and 'be'.
Jenn Kelly is supposed to be a writer, but she hasn't written in ages because half the time she can't find her laptop. She'd put up a photo but frankly, she can't find the hard-drive. Feel free to invite her for dinner.