I have a horror of making my characters sound schmaltzy (overly sentimental).I think we all like to read a romance ending on an uplifting note, but here's where I need some input via different
viewpoints. That is, from both readers and writers out there.
In the next to the last paragraph of one of my novels, I'm winding up with the following example below and feel uneasy about it. To put you in the picture, - as in most stories - the male and female characters have had a difficult time getting together. They are now on board a ship heading for a future full of promise.
How does it make you feel? Is it too, too sentimental? A cliche? Better to cut it? I'd love some constructive criticism as I'd really value your opinions.
As they stood together, contemplating the vast expanse, an ominous storm cloud was transformed into a silver-edged colossus. Shafts of sunlight sliced through, scattering showers of sparkling diamonds across the sea. He turned to gaze into her sweet face. ‘There’ll always be the storm clouds, my beloved, but He will direct us together along His paths.’
I worked out another paragraph, but I'm still unsure whether it's any better.
This M/S comes from my second book in the Watermark Women series. Its title is THE TIE THAT BINDS. It is complete except for this last paragraph. You ICFWers are the closest I can get to a critique group.
Do any of you struggle with your endings and have to edit several times? I want it to be memorable.
Rita's first book in the series, SIGNED SEALED DELIVERED,
How could she believe in her future when she couldn't escape her past? Published by Ark House Press.
At the moment she is working with an editor on Book 3, title A Parcel of PROMISES.
Please feel free to email her at: rita galieh at gmail dot com (No spaces) or leave a comment right here.