For those who don't know me, I am a follower of Christ, passionate reader, and mum to four precocious children. I make my home in north central Victoria, Australia. I am a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Christian Writers Downunder, and Romance Writers of America, and am represented by Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary Agency.
You can typically find me enjoying a cuppa while I teach my children school, reading or critiquing, and lurking on facebook. I'd love to get to know you, either on my blog, or on facebook. So pull up a stump or feel free to drop me a line. There I hope to share what I've learned in my own journey to self worth, interesting research tidbits, or writing tips I find.
Today, I'd like to strike a more serious note and talk about a subject close to my heart: Self Worth, freedom from abuse, and God's word. Before you hit delete or move on-Wait! This could save someone's life, could bring clarity to a helpless situation, and is also helpful for characters that have a darker side to their backstory.
Please feel free to share this information, it has the power to change lives.
I am proof of that. In 2003 I was a teenage mum in an abusive relationship, with my life going nowhere fast. This counseling key started me on my journey to find healing from abuse, becoming aware fo my worth in God's eyes, and eventually getting out of that abusive relationship.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I'll keep it simple and share some information that I have permission to share from Hope for the Heart ministries.
Begin to BUILD BOUNDARIES
Begin a new way of thinking about yourself, about God, and about abuse.
- God did not save you so that you could be abused.
- Abuse is a sin against God's creation.
- You were not created to be abused.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Overcome fear of the unknown by trusting God for the future.
"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; He delivered my from all my fears." Psalm 34:4
"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Understand the Biblical mandate to hold abusers accountable.
- Confrontation is Biblical.
- Confrontation can be used by God's Spirit for conviction.
- Lack of confrontation enables abusers to continue abusing others.
"Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out." Psalm 10:15
Notify others of your needs (supportive friends, relatives or other people).
- They must believe you.
- They must be trustworthy.
- They must not divulge your location to your husband if you leave.
"Carry each others's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
- Submission does not give license for abuse.
- Biblical submission is not a response to be demanded, nor is it given out of fear but out of a heart that can safely trust the other.
- Submission is a way of life designed by God for everyone.
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21
Admit your anger and practice forgiveness.
- Confirm the hurt.
- Confess your anger.
- Choose to heal.
"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15
Recognize your own codependent patterns of relating, and change the way you respond.
- Don't respond fearfully, hiding the truth.
- Don't think you can change him.
- Don't take responsibility for his behaviour.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If i were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
Identity healthy boundaries for yourself, and commit to maintaining them.
- Communicate your boundaries.
- State what you will do if he crosses your boundaries.
- Follow through when he does cross your boundaries. For example: The next time he abuses you, you will call the police... or he can no longer live at home... or you will leave with the children.
"A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." Proverbs 19:19
Ensure your personal safety (and that of your children) immediately.
- Have an action plan.
- Know ahead of time where you will go and whom you will call. Have the necessary numbers easily accessible.
- Involve your church. Know the person to contact for help ahead of time.
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8
See your identity as not in your role as wife, which can change, but as a precious child of God, which cannot change.
- He chose you.
- He adopted you.
- He redeemed you.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1
~Words above are quoted from the Wife Abuse Counseling Key by June Hunt. Copyright 2001 HOPE FOR THE HEART~
Click here for a free download of an overview of that counseling key. Blessings!
Until next time: trust steadily in God