I've been in transition mode. In fact I feel as though I'm in limbo, neither here nor there. This time last year I was at the ACFW conference in Denver, extremely expectant about the start of a brilliant writing career. Somethind did get started, but it certainly wasn't my writing career. Six months later, the last thing on my mind was writing. I won't bore you with the reasons why, suffice it to say that life got in the way and I didn't have the emotional strength to live my life, much less "live" the life of characters that I didn't seem to care much for.
No, it's not all bleak. I promise.
I've been spending some time meditating on Isaiah 43:18-21
18 “Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
20 The beast of the field will honor Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My people, My chosen.
21 This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise.
The Lord gave my church family this rhema about a month or so ago. And we've been praying and standing on this word for the Lord to manifest the new in our lives. But God is so personal, so I've been seeking Him for what "new" means in my life; what His vision is for my life. He sees the end from the beginning and His actions are motivated by His great love.
So, what's the connection between the new and the vision? When God tells you that He is doing something new in your life and things look "the same" or even worse, it strengthens your faith to have a picture to focus on. Much like God told Abram that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars, which helped Abram continue to trust God when things looked bleak. So I've been praying for God to give me His vision for my life and to cause me to walk in that vision. I have a very strong desire, a desire so strong that it literally defined my life for the past year and I saw no reason not to equate my desire with God's vision for me. Last week I decided to give that desire to God; to let it go and trust God to work things out the way He knows best. But lettting go left an emotional void in my life. I had to go back to God and ask Him to , lease give me His vision.
Thinking about vision, made me think about gifts. I believe there is a strong and direct correlation between your gifts and your calling. And the vision for your life is defined by your calling. Where we get into trouble is when we don't have a clear idea of what our gifts are. This can be especially problematic for people who have many strong gifts, because which gift do you focus on? I digress. Thinking of gifts made me think, with some sadness, about my writing, and how I haven't felt connected to it in a long, long time. I then wondered if I really have a gift. At the moment I don't know the answer to that question, but what I do know is that I have stories in my head; stories in my heart that I want to tell. Maybe I need to leave my first novel and work on my story idea about the relationship between a Cameroonian and a Nigerian, whose love is tested when a government policy tries to keep them apart. I see rich, vibrant colour and textures of every kind when I think about this story. Maybe that's the vision...